Are You Speaking Up to Argue or to Communicate?

The biggest problem in relationships is communication.

Four main ways to communicate:

1. Write – Read
2. Speak – Listen

The key to communication is listening.

…everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… James 1:19 NIV

Listening is catching what is spoken.

• Words
• Feeling

When speaking, do not hurl words past the listener:

• The Fastball of Anticipation
• The Curveball of Exaggeration
• The Spitball of Sarcasm
• The Lob-ball of Endless Words
• The Slider of Shifting Blame
• The Sinkerball of Put-downs
• The Mudball of Incrimination
• The Breaking ball of the last word
• The Floater of Insincerity
• The Changeup of Inconsistency
• The Knuckleball of Physical Emphasis

Refuse to argue.

Do all things without complaining and disputing. Phil 2:14

It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel. Prov. 20:3

An Argument is two individuals heatedly defending opposite positions with the intent of converting the other person to their point of view.

Communication is two individuals exchanging opinions with the intent of understanding the other person’s point of view.

Arguments crystalize positions and lead to anger.

The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts. Prov. 17:14

Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers. 2 Tim 2:14

A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle. Prov. 18:19

Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Gal 6:1

Words spoken from negative emotions destroy effective communication.

…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20 NIV

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov. 15:1 NIV

Communication brings understanding and leads to mutual agreement.

Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each other. Col. 4:6

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. James 3:16-18